We all have a story.

Mine is encased in ambivalence. A story where beauty and ugliness mix up together and I can't say one way or the other, it is good or bad. Years ago I came "to terms with," "an understanding of," or whatever you to call it with my abandonment and abuse. A godly counselor was there to help. A wise husband walked with me. God's grace was evident on my life during a very painful season.

While I would say I am mostly "healed" I still struggle with things. What usually pops into my head is, "What's wrong with you? Why are you still dealing with this? And feeling this? And responding in such a sinful way?"

I've been trying to figure out why the healing is not complete and I have come to two quite simple conclusions:

Conclusion 1. I live in a sinful world and because of that I will not find heaven here.

I am not meant to find heaven here.

Sometimes I fear with all the godly counsel out there and very good and even scripturally sound, self-help books or retreat weekends or Bible studies, we are are trying to find a place here on earth where life doesn't hurt anymore.

Sorry. Not gonna happen.

I am part of all of us who are wounded
and as long as I walk this broken sod,
I am going to walk with a limp,
and if it hadn't been those things that caused my limp,
something else would have.

Conclusion 2. I believe in a literal, physical heaven removed from earth.

One day God will take back His children. One day I will be carried off to a place beyond my wildest imagination. One day I will stand, kneel, sit or fall prostrate before the throne of Jesus and for the first time GET, really GET, what He did for me when He allowed himself to be nailed to the cross. I cannot even speculate how I will feel. But I do know, my earthly eyes and my earthly thinking will be gone and I will finally GET it.

And I'm pretty sure that in my getting it, the words abandonment and abuse won't come to mind. "...for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away... He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Rev. 21:1,4)

It doesn't mean the things done here on earth shouldn't be dealt with. That we shouldn't seek help. That we shouldn't seek restoration for broken relationship. That those who wounded us shouldn't be called to repentance (and in some cases even held legally responsible). Or even that all the wounds inflicted on earth are "worth it."

It simply means as I struggle here on earth,
when wounds I thought were healed prickle and sting,
when the scab picks off a little to reveal hidden ugliness,
I look forward to a moment when it has passed away, is no more.

Simply no more. No death. No mourning. No crying. No pain.

Only Jesus. Only Jesus will be there.

Pistachio?

"Is that really her name?"

"What an awful nickname."

"Please tell me that you'll stop calling her that when she's born!"

"Where did that come from?"

Actually, it goes all the way back to when we found out we were expecting Daniel. We were at our dear friends' house (in Russia!) when we got confirmation (after several days of denial and four pregnancy tests) that I was indeed pregnant!

After the shock wore off slightly and the giddiness of what this all meant set in, Nadya grabbed a baby development book to work out my due date and see how big this little creature in my belly already was. We figured out that I was 19 days pregnant.

There was a picture in the book of an 18-day-old, in-utero baby. Patrick said, "Wow, it looks like a peanut!"

And so before he became Daniel, he was known as "Peanut."

We continued to call him Peanut throughout the pregnancy because:

- It took us forever to come up with a name. Actually, it took forever for God to show us what his name was supposed to be and not-surprisingly, both Patrick and I had the name Daniel in our head without ever discussing it.

- We decided not to tell anyone his name until he was born.

So, it's become a Wilson tradition to refer to our unborn children as a nut (or a legume).

Daniel was Peanut.

Caleb was Cashew.

Eli was Walnut.

And now, Pistachio is Pistachio.

We've continued to not share the names we are considering until we introduce our child to the world. It's fun having a secret.

I think we know what Pistachio's real name is supposed to be, but as with all our children, it's not something we've stressed over. We've never opened a baby name book. The only list of baby names we've looked at is the occasional suggestions we get from Patrick's mom. :-)

God knows our unborn child better than we do. He knit them together. He knows the personality they will have. The character issues they will struggle with. The ones that we as parents will have to help mold. What will significantly define our child to the world.

I think the naming of my children is important. Important enough to leave up to Him, the One who created my children in His image. I believe the name He gives us to call them is a small reflection of Himself.

Hopefully, we will introduce Pistachio to the world by her God-given name very, very, very soon...

Recently, a friend and I were discussing how uncomfortable it is for us when we start having our children learn a new Bible verse. She was in the middle of having her children learn Proverbs 25:28, "Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control." Well, as God would have it, He started to reveal to her areas in her own life where she needed self-control. We had a good laugh at how when we start teaching our children something, God usually shows us where we need to learn it as well.

The current verse our boys are learning? Deuteronomy 5:15, "Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may have long life and it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God has given you."

This is a nice theory until your husband's parent's house gets flooded out. You realize there is no way they have the strength and energy to clean up the mess themselves. You find out they don't have flood insurance to cover the expense of a big company coming in to do the clean up for them. This all occurs about six weeks before you are expecting baby #4 and it slowly dawns on you that there isn't a time frame on "honoring your father and mother." It doesn't say we are supposed to honor them as long as you live under their roof. You honor them as long as they continue to be your father and mother. And so if your father and mother need help cleaning up the mess from an epic flood, their children should be the first ones there to volunteer!

My first reaction is to say, "What?! Don't you have a brother that doesn't have children or a pregnant wife? Can't he do it?" (And in fairness, he probably will go help out.) I'm wondering how I am supposed to take care of my rambunctious three boys that need a daily dose of wrestling for possibly two weeks when I'm 34 weeks pregnant. What do I do if I go into early labor and Patrick isn't here?

Funny thing how God teaches us right along side our children. They get to see in action, us living out God's commands. We've been able to talk about how Daddy might be gone for awhile and it is because he is honoring Grandmama and Grandaddy. And they get it. They will be sad. They will miss him. I will miss him and how much he helps me with the boys. But while we are living out God's commands, I am looking forward to seeing God's promise.

That it may go well...

God's strength will be my strength. Our church family will be there with offers to watch the boys here and there. Patrick's parents, in their old age, will be blessed and honored and I think that is the most important thing of all.

I have a three-year-old I'm willing to give to a good home. Today, I just need to say that.

Patrick and I had the privilege of meeting a baby tonight who was born 10wks early. His mommy, a very good friend of mine, was only 30wks pregnant when her water broke. The nurses and doctors did what they could to stop labor, but little Josiah had decided he was going to be born regardless of what anyone did and so he showed up much earlier than anybody expected. Thankfully, he was born without a stressful birth and is doing as well as he can considering he should still be cooking inside mom.

This is the first time I have seen a baby in the NICU. I'm not sure anything can prepare you for seeing such a tiny person with so many tubes and wires coming out of them.

His parents can't hold him for at least a week as his skin and muscles are extremely sensitive. They could bruise him to the point of hemorrhage because his blood vessels are not strong enough for the pressure of a touch. He is able to get enough oxygen on his own, but he is still hooked up to an apparatus that "reminds" him to breath. He can't swallow so so his nutrients come from an IV. When the breathing apparatus is removed he'll have mom's breast milk through a feeding tube for his first month. His eyes have to be taped shut while he is getting light therapy for his jaundice because his retinas are not developed enough.

So many things that still have to grow, to develop and become complete. So many things that could still go wrong.

Yet, as I looked at him, all I could think was, "fearfully and wonderfully made." How perfectly God had put this child together. God gave him ten fingers, ten toes, a squishy nose and cherub lips. Already, his parents can see Josiah's fighting spirit as he pulls at the air tube and IV wires. His neonatal nurse calls him a "Wild Man" and says she can hear him screaming from down the hall, even when is incubator lid is closed! God knew all along that little Josiah would come into this world earlier than we deemed ready. But this is part of the story of Josiah's life. A story God has already written out. God has given him the best birthday, the best parents, the best beginning in His design.

May we treat each person we encounter, especially those in our own family, as one who God has fearfully and wonderfully made - regardless of the things we see that still need to grow, to develop and become complete. Or the things we see that could still go wrong. Let us always see them as perfectly created by God and the part they play in His story.

I'm going to blame it on the pregnancy! I never know when these random tears are going to pop out of my eyeballs. Well, today it happened driving down Hwy 86 toward Castle Rock to go grocery shopping at Sprouts.

The boys were in the back as usual, listening to their current, favorite CD set "The Singing Bible." And a completely silly, song sung by kids, for kids sent my emotions into overdrive. It's a song about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. It's peppy. It's fun. The boys and I love to sing along with it. But there is a part of the song that "gets me" emotionally every time I hear it but today my emotions got a little extreme and I actually started to cry. The lyrics go something like:

Oh, they were thrown in the fire
But Nebuchadnezzar saw they were not alarmed
'cause there were four men in the fire
Who was the fourth one?
Well, He looked like the son of God
And He was keeping them safe from harm...

Suddenly, this was no longer a kid's song.

I could see it as an historical event that really took place. Three young men (some biblical scholars believe they may have been teenagers) were really carried off into slavery to a completely secular, godless culture. They were told to choose between bowing down before a graven image or death. I was suddenly seeing three young men, looking first at the golden idol, then to a furnace of flames that had been heated to 7x greater than usual and back at the idol, knowing that one simple gesture would save their lives. And choosing to step toward the flames instead and saying, "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." (Daniel 3:17-18)

Three young men who had the character, integrity and tenacity to obey their God no matter what! They were going to believe that God was good. Whether their physcial bodies went up in cinders or the son of God showed up beside them, they were going to believe His ways for them were best.

I think what got to me today is I have spent a lot of time thinking about the completely secular, godless culture my boys are growing up in - a modern day, Babylon where sex sells anything and unborn babies are murdered without a second thought. When Patrick and I were talking about what to name Daniel before he was born, Patrick said, "I think he should be Daniel because he is going to grow up in Babylon and my hope is that he will be a prophet for the One True God just as Daniel of the Bible was." Today, as I was singing away with the boys about Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, best friends to Daniel of the Bible and trying to go against the cultural grain of ancient Babylon, I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw my own little men sitting there. I wondered if I was doing a good enough job raising my own Shadrachs, Meshachs and Abednegos.

Of course, the historical account of the Bible has a happy ending as Nebuchadnezzar's heart was changed when he saw how the three men would give up their lives for God. But Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego had no promise they would live. They didn't know the son of God was going to show up, but they were going to obey him anyway.

My selfish prayer is that my children never have to face losing their lives for following the One True God. Or even their way of life or comfort, for following the One True God. But I know my godly prayer should be, that if the calling God has for them is to lay down their lives, that I (and Patrick) will have fullfilled our role in helping them be men of character, integrity and tenacity who would willingly step toward the flames.

Sabbath.

Not a word we hear much in Christianity anymore. I think our lives are so hectic and crazy, we've forgotten that taking a "sabbath" is actually a commandment from God.

"Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work... for in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth... but he rested on the seventh day." Ex. 20:8-11

I realize that even though we don't use the word "sabbath" often it's not a new concept to us, but most sermons I've heard about Sabbath focus on our need to take a rest. We talk about the importance of re-creating ourselves so we are prepared to do God's work the following week. As though God couldn't continue His work unless we had that rest... But I was struck with another perspective about Sabbath as I've been reading Louie Giglio's book, i am not but i know I AM.

He points out that Adam and Eve were created on the sixth day of creation and then immediately there was rest...

"Adam and Eve were feeling fine. They weren't stressed-out, overwhelmed, road-weary, overworked, vacation-starved, frazzled, worn down, bleary-eyed, over committed, or spent. Why would they possibly need a rest day this early in the game?

But maybe it was God who needed a break. After all, He was the one who had done all the creative work. Maybe He was the one who needed a rest. Right?

Wrong.

God wasn't the slightest bit tired on Day Seven. Making the world wasn't too much for him. In fact, God simply spoke and the world came into being. God felt the same on Day Seven as he had before He invented time and space."

It wasn't because Adam and Eve needed a rest. And it certainly wasn't because He needed a rest. God commanded Sabbath in order to teach us something about Himself... He wanted Adam and Eve to acknowledge and forever remember on each forthcoming Sabbath all the things He created, He put into place and motion, He kept in control, before they even showed up! He wanted Adam and Eve, and us, to know that He had already done it all long before we were there to offer our advice and suggestions or get our hands in it and meddle around.

Because it's so easy for us to think that we're the ones keeping it all together, right? The inability to take a Sabbath rest is really telling God that He is not doing a good enough job. He won't be able to take care of things if you let it go. That we are better than Him at handling things. We put ourselves under the weight of doing it all.

"The weight of trying to make yourself bigger than you are -- of trying to figure out how to run your life on your own, of always trying to determine the outcome, control the relationship, close the deal, run the show, hold it all together, know the future, protect your interests, build your kingdom -- the weight of playing the role of God in your life and the lives of those around you."

(For me, it's constantly wondering if I'm raising my children right or am I doing something that will turn them completely away from God in their adult years.)

"But be encouraged. Today is Sabbath. It may not literally be Sunday, but Sabbath is a state of mind and attitude of the heart. Sabbath happens anywhere and everywhere we let go of the controls and lay the cares of our lives at His feet.

So, where is your future right now? Where is the outcome of your pressing dilemma? Is it in the hands of the businessman on the other side of the conference table? Is it in the hands of the boyfriend or girlfriend or spouse? In the hands of a team of doctors?

Or, is your life, and all that concerns you, in the hands of the God who constructed the universe effortlessly in one week?

If you want more rest and less 'stressed' declare this very moment to be your Sabbath -- the place where you pry your fingers off of the circumstances and people you are trying so desperately to control, the place you discover that life really does work better in His hands instead of yours..."

Happy Sabbath day, everyone!

*all quotations are from Louie Giglio's book i am not but i know I AM unless otherwise stated

If you're at all like me, - a momma that has lots of little 'uns running around, demanding attention all day - then you find it hard to get consistent, quality quiet-time with the Father. I've heard rumors of women out there who get it done (like at 5am before everyone is awake) but I think it's a myth. We've had glimpses of them in books with outlined plans and such, kind of like those fuzzy videos of Sasquatch, but no true evidence exists.

Yes, getting up thirty minutes earlier to spend time in worship would probably make my day go better. But I'm also a very grumpy momma when I don't get sleep.

Yes, I should go to bed earlier then. But my husband is a night owl and if I want to really talk with him, that's when it happens.

Yes, time with God should be my priority, but sometimes my priority, by default, becomes the sick kid that needs cuddles or a husband that needs... well... we'll refer to that as "cuddles" too.

And yes, I should probably stop blogging and go read my Bible.

Okay, I feel guilty enough, people!

But I discovered something recently, thanks to Louie Giglio , that has helped me think about the Word of God all day, even when I don't have time for a long sit down. He refers to it as the "One Word A Day Study." If there is a verse that God keeps bringing to your mind, then take the time to dwell on one word a day from the verse until you are done with the verse. I'm not talking about getting out your Hebrew-Greek Bible or even cross-referencing scripture (although, do that if you have the time). It's allowing God to speak to you, one word at a time, through one verse that He has already put on your heart.

The verse that kept popping up for me was Hebrews 4:16 ~ "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace in our time of need." A verse I've heard over and over through the years, but lately has been on my mind. So, I thought I would try this One Word A Day Study on it and this is what I have found.

Day 1/let - "let" signifies there is someone else allowing the approach to the throne, it's not of my own independence. someone who is in authority (God) is granting access to the throne. "letting" someone do something means letting them make the choice if they want to or not. they are not being forced. Access to the throne is granted by God's authority, but I am not forced to go.

Day 2/us - "us" is inclusive. it means all of us who trust in Christ's complete work on the cross may approach the throne of grace. not those of "us" who haven't sinned in awhile. not those of "us" that didn't yell at their kids today or wished their life turned out a bit different. All of us, regardless of where we have been or what we have done, have access to the throne of grace. Some days, I need to know I can enter no matter what!

Day 3/then - At first, I was thinking, what am I going to learn from the word "then"? But I remembered some of my grammar training and "then" always means "if this, then this" so I looked at the context of the chapter and realized, this is really the crux of the entire verse! The verse prior says, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are..." The whole reason we can approach the throne of grace with confidence is because Jesus Christ himself has been where we are! He gets it! He understands! There is nothing we can say before the throne that isn't understood!

Day 4/approach - nothing significant about the word itself stood out to me. "approach" means what it means. go up to something. But as I thought through the day, I was acutely aware of and thankful for the invitation to be in the presence of God. I am SO thankful! The throne room is always open!

Day 5/the - a simple word, right? not too significant. but it's the throne of grace. not a throne of grace. or any throne of grace. It is THE throne of grace, THE one where sits the High King of Heaven who listens to our babblings, pleas, cries and when we remember them, our praises and adoration.

And today is Day 6... I'm excited about 21 more days of this...

I can't say every day will be significant. Tomorrow is "of"... hmmm... But the Words spoken by God are constantly on my heart, in the forefront of my mind and I love that. And this verse will be forever committed to memory! I know the day will come when my children are more self-sufficient and consistent quiet-time will return. But right now, I am so thankful God meets me where I am at and gives me what I need, even if it's one word at a time...

And if you're one of those super-moms with lots of little kids who does get up at 5am, I don't want to hear it cause you'll just squelch the encouragement I'm feeling right now. Comparing myself to others: we'll discuss that at a later date.

A couple days ago I asked Patrick, "How can I teach my kids self-control when I have so little of it myself?"

I said this after Caleb stood in front of the toilet and peed all over it, his clothes, the bathroom rug, trashcan, toilet scrubber -- if it was within three feet, it got showered! I have never yelled at my child the way I yelled at him that morning. It was a situation in which Caleb needed to be disciplined (he's been potty-trained awhile and had been doing this exact thing for several days and we were exasperated), but I didn't handle well. Here I was trying to train him in physical self-control and I lost emotional self-control. I spent the day in deep remorse. Questioned my ability to do this mommy-thing. I followed Patrick around, pestering him to reaffirm to me that I was still a fairly good parent. What I was in that moment of outburst, was not a good mom. I was a mom who had stopped relying on God to deal with this temporary, three-year-old monster in my home.

I read this quote and thought it put perfectly into perspective why God makes so many of us parents.

"By God’s marvelous design, few life experiences humble us quite as effectively as parenting. As parents, we exchange our formerly spotless houses, ironed clothes, and ordered lives for the chaos of an incontinent, noisy, spit-producing being with a temper that needs to be tamed and with a piercing cry that rivals the sharpest fingernails ever scraped across a chalkboard. This tiny tyrant is providentially placed in our house with one grand program: to mold his or her parents into the image of our Lord. The way up spiritually, is by looking down physically." ~Gary Thomas

So I'm praying I won't miss what God has for me as I clean up that mess in the bathroom. And that I'll rely on Him completely for how to discipline my children,not how I feel about it in the moment.

If you are the least bit cynical, you struggle a bit with finding sincerity on Valentine's Day. I admit, I'm just a little-itty-bit cynical and therefore, Valentine's Day has never been a big deal in our house, although Patrick does go out of his way to get me flowers and usually suggests a date night. And I'd probably be a little upset if he didn't do something -- even though I say he doesn't need to.

This morning, an email was sitting in my inbox that got me to thinking maybe it's not such a silly holiday after all.

I wonder if we are so hesitant to celebrate love because our world has turned it into being so much about what you get out of it and lust and how you happen to feel about the one you currently happen to be with at the time. To us, romance is proven when the guy and the girl in the movie finally sleep together, not actually commit to serving one another for the rest of their lives. We know in our hearts this isn't how it's supposed to be... So we turn the one day a year set aside to celebrate love into something cheesy, all Hallmark-ified, something mostly children participate in and in our grown up world pretend we don't care.

I think God cares. A search on the word "love" shows up in the NIV Bible 687 times!

It is patient. It is kind. It does not envy or boast or get prideful. It wants nothing to do with anything evil. It builds others up, rather than tearing them down with our actions or the things we say. It requires proof of its existence. (I Cor. 13, II Cor. 8:24)

We've forgotten that true love, love that comes from the Father, is about sacrifice. The sacrifice of a father who gave up his only son to save a dying world. This little, four-letter-word, "love" is such a huge, profound thing, we must actually have the revelation of God himself to understand how wide and long and high and deep is his love for us! (Eph. 3:18)

The following excerpt comes from Lorrie Flem, author/publisher of TEACH Magazine.

In the year 269 AD the world was in turmoil, much like today. Claudius II had forbidden young men to marry, believing single men, free of family concerns made better soldiers. He also was severely persecuting Christian people throughout the Roman Empire. In Rome there was a priest named Valentinus who was secretly marrying Christian couples in spite of Claudius.

(Does it get any more romantic than that? A boy and a girl so desperately in love, with a forbidden love, that they run away to marry in secret. Hmm, I think one of literature's most-enduring love stories had that same plot... Romeo and Juliet, anyone?)

Valentinius was arrested and sent to the prefect of Rome who, when he could not persuade Valentinus to renounce his faith, he recommended that he be beaten with clubs and beheaded.
While awaiting his execution, Valentinus became friends with his jailer's blind daughter. They would have long conversations together in his prison cell. On the eve of his death, he penned a farewell note to the jailer's daughter, signing it, "From your Valentine."

On February 14, 270 AD, Valentinus' sentence was carried out. He was beaten and beheaded outside the Flaminian Gate. In 496 AD Pope Gelasius marked February 14th as a celebration in honor of his martyrdom.

Today, we still celebrate Valentine's Day, though few know of its background and meaning. But the day is one of loving expression. Children give valentines to each other. Lovers share gifts and notes of deep sentiment. Candy, flowers, jewelry and so many other things are given and received. The wording, though sometimes more elaborate, still remains "From your Valentine."

Remember this Valentine's Day, when you ask someone to "Be Mine," you are really saying to them, "I will sacrifice for you. I will do what is best for you regardless of my own desires. I will love you as God has loved me. I will represent to you the love of the Bible, the Bible that the real St. Valentine died defending."

Seems a little tougher than just chocolates and flowers, huh?

Oh, that God would give every mother a vision of the glory and splendor of the work that is given to her when a babe is placed in her bosom to be nursed and trained! Could she have but one glimpse in to the future of that life as it reaches on into eternity; could she look into its soul to see its possibilities; could she be made to understand her own personal responsibility for the training of this child, for the development of its life, and for its destiny,--she would see that in all God's world there is no other work so noble and so worthy of her best powers, and she would commit to no other's hands the sacred and holy trust given to her." -JR Miller

Looking for some feedback here...

I am a very blessed woman. One of those blessings is having a mother I can sit down with over a cup of tea and really talk. Almost no topic is off limits. No display of emotion is taken offensively. Everything goes! I got to spend last week with my mom and as always, conversation flowed.

One thing we discussed is how does one stand by their convictions without being judgmental? This is a question I've been asking myself for about a year now, especially as Patrick and I have become more and more passionate about family discipleship and it's meant a lot of lifestyle changes for us. A lot of rethinking the way we do things. I think I am afraid that accepting others' way of doing things "weakens" my conviction.

So, what does it look like to embrace your God-given convictions, without having a swayed by the wind, whatever-is-right-for-you-may-not-be-right-for-me attitude, but still be gracious, accepting and understanding of those who do things differently from you?

I'd really like to hear back from the two of you that read my stuff...

Let's make sure we love him Monday morning...

I am a Tim Tebow fan. I was a fan long before the Focus on the Family ad became such a controversial issue. I believe he is a young man, whose parent's caught a vision to raise him "in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men." And Tim Tebow is doing that.

But let's think for a moment how much pressure we are putting on this guy.

Not just for this Sunday, but everyday.

He has been declared one of the best college football players ever. The youngest to win the Heisman trophy. He's played for the Florida Gators in two National Championships.

Sports commentators make fun of the milk and cookies he has before bed on Saturday nights after the game, rather than partying with his team.

He has stood up to media fire storms that find amusement with the status of his virginity.

Homeschoolers hail as their example of how well homeschooled kids really are socialized and can be salt and light to the world. He has been the inspiration for education reform in many states.

Who knows how many young people have gone on Summer mission's trips because of his example of helping the poor and needy.

Fathers want their sons to grow up to be like him. Mothers want their daughters to marry him.

And now we are putting even more pressure on him. Pressure on a young man who has yet to start a professional career or cash a paycheck.

It seems we are asking him to take the biggest, most public stand against abortion this nation has seen. What started out as a young man, making a simple stand for something he believes in has become national controversy -- one that is roused anger and entitlement on both sides.

And what happens if his stand is not as strong as we have all hyped it up to be?

My concern is that we might be disappointed come Monday morning. With all the hoopla and controversy surrounding an ad that none of us have seen, not just the liberals, I fear that it will not live up to the expectations we've created it to be in our heads.

What if it doesn't come right out and call abortion an atrocity against humankind and is only vaguely pro-life? Will we criticize him for not saying something stronger? Will we say he should have put his "platform" to better use?

What if the ad is more about the agency paying for it, Focus on the Family (we've kind of forgotten about them)? Will we accuse Tebow of doing the ad to boost his popularity before the NFL combine and draft?

I don't know anymore than the next person, whether it be a pro-life conservative or liberal, feminist group, what the ad will portray. It might be the strongest pro-life advertisement our nation has seen and women across the country may choose to not murder their unborn child as a result of it. It might be something that simply points viewers to call Focus on the Family for help if their family is falling apart. All I know is that we are asking this young guy to do a lot.

So let's make sure we are still standing by him on Monday morning, regardless of what we see Sunday night.

So, I'm having one of those days when by 10AM I've wiped poop off every bottom in this house except my husband's.

It's not that it's a bad day. So far no tantrums. Everyone ate their breakfast. I got the dishwasher unloaded and loaded again. I have a few quiet minutes to sit at my computer. I actually know what I'm cooking for dinner tonight.

It's just that on some days, I get tired of the poop waiting for me on other people's backsides.

I gazed out my kitchen window this morning, ignoring the mess I knew the boys were making in the living room with their Legos and thought of all the women out there who got up super early this morning, did their hair and make up and actually put on an outfit with no denim component to it. I thought about how they'd turn in their projects or tell other people how to do their projects. I thought about how their feet would start to hurt by mid-afternoon from those killer heels, but dang, they'd look good wearing them!

You know what I have on my feet right now? Fuzzy, white slippers from Walmart and their sides are starting to come apart because they were made so cheaply.

And I was starting to wonder what it would be like to put my kids on the magic yellow bus or drop them off at daycare or preschool before driving off to spend 8+ hours in an adult world... thinking that might be the way to go...

Because, seriously, no one at any of my previous jobs hollered at me from the bathroom to wipe their bottom... I have a college degree, for crying out loud and it's not in Poopology!

Then my almost two-year-old toddled up to me with his adorable cowboy boots in hand, saying, "Boys? Peeeesssss?" asking me to put them on him. And I thought, if I wasn't home, where God has called me to be, and I didn't see my children for most of the day, would I even know little Eli calls his cowboy boots "boys"? Or would he be asking some other caregiver to put his boots on for him.

No, I'm not going to get a paycheck with my name on it this Friday. But if what God has called me to is wiping poop off little bottoms, then I'll try to do it with a smile on my face. I'll do it to the best of my God-given ability. I'll do it with all my heart because I know I'm investing in little bottoms that I believe will make a difference in this world for His glory!

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. ~ II Corinthians 9:8

So, do you think in heaven there is a reward for the best bottom-wiper?

I've been thinking about abortion a lot. More than usual.

It seems it's been a hot topic ever since we Americans voted in the most pro-abortion president in our history. And it's been a topic again as the House and Senate debate health-care reform and whether or not it will or will not cover abortions costs.

And then Friday, January 22, 2010 marked the anniversary of Roe v. Wade and I was struck with the following thought:

I think American Christians are more pro-choice than we think.

For example...

*I CHOSE when I would start having children based on when we could afford them and when it fit in with my career.

*I CHOSE how far apart my children would be because I know better than God what I can and cannot handle and heaven forbid if I have two kids in diapers at the same time.

* I CHOSE that I wasn't going to have children because I thought a career in the professional world would be better for me and I didn't want to lose my size four figure.

* I CHOSE when I would stop God from allowing life, created in His imagine, to come from me and a simple snip-snip took care of that.

That's a lot of choices we make all on our own, without consulting the almighty Creator of Life.

So, maybe in all of our political activism we're not really pro-life.

We're just anti-abortion.

Welcome to my new blog.

I have always loved writing. When I am trying to figure out an issue -- what I think about it, how I want to respond, how I really feel -- I process it by pretending I'm writing it down. I have a million essays swirling around my head.

The problem...

I don't actually like to write with a pen. Or paper. Hence, no actually putting this stuff down on paper. I've started a journal several times, but again, that whole pen and paper thing. I assume it's a result of being born post 1975 and going to college with a laptop in tow.

So, I'm going to use this blog for my journaling. I assume that one or two friends, plus my mother will read it. This is solely for getting ideas, stories, ramblings and musings out of my head and onto something tangible (is the Internet tangible?). If you don't want to hear my opinions on topics you never asked about, I won't be offended. Feel free to catch up with our family (namely the kiddos) at The Semi-Homemade Homestead.

I've been inspired by many blogs, mostly by other women who share my calling to be present in the home, raising and discipling my children. This is something I am so far from perfect in! I'm not attempting to copy their lives. I realize that I, along with everyone else I know, is on a different journey. So my journey, my stories will look different.

Sit back. Enjoy. My hope is you will be challenged, inspired and encouraged. And find that there is a woman out there struggling with issues just like you...